I'm Tired, tired of "the fight".
I'm absolutely exhausted, and some days it literally consumes me. I hate the world, sometimes. I hate the systems, the protocols, the hoops, that I have to constantly Jump through just get on the right track for each member of my family. Navigating my way around a system of endless turns and twists that don't even seem to know where they want to flow themselves.
I'm tired. Tired of the fight.
Three children I have, and their investigations and diagnoses', conditions, problems, are endless, their symptoms intertwining like a scary tree, it's branches climbing around each other. Sometimes a little bud may appear like it's going to flourish with leaves and then it just dries up and crumbles, the tree seems to howl at you, laughing. Offering a branch and then snapping it away. Just like the systems offer some hope, some glimmer of light, an answer?, support, and then "oh no sorry we lost your notes"
Or "your children aren't severe enough for you to have a carers assessment"
Severe enough? Are you having a laugh? Read the notes love and then tell me about severity! Stop box ticking just because you were told to get rid of a certain number of families!
Im just really tired now, tired of waiting, and hoping and holding on to something someone said a year ago and it's never materialised.
Why do they make it so hard for us? Weaker people are broken, families torn apart. Children ripped from the family home, because their box ticking took priority over research, and history, and assessments and support.
Lives are broken and children are suffering.
If I am tired, my children must be exhausted.
I feel for them, and for that reason I will I not give up or in, I will follow that river and I will not drown, I will climb that tree and I will reach the top. I will see it flourish, because I might be tired, but my children are exhausted.