So the Health visiting team had seen enough and had referred us. She left us with some good advice (sarcastic voice)
1- To take away her dummy
2- Visit some toy libraries to get Her playing and interested in toys.
That was going to solve our problems wasn’t it. This was just before summer term ended. She was due to go to Pre – school and S was in year R. Isn’t it sad that I can’t remember this year for him, how awful does that make me? Deep down I know and understand it wasn’t my fault directly but on the surface I’m completely gutted. I can remember picking him up and dropping him off. But that memory is only because I remember how difficult Lolly was. It was summertime and hot and we used to walk to school. She was nearly three and very challenging, I was 8 months pregnant and very fat. Needless to say she rang rings around me. I always took the buggy with me on the way to school and at the time I had no idea why I done that considering there’s no way she would have even entertained getting in it. I think I thought it was for me to just prop myself up on, but actually she wouldn’t hold my hand ever, and she loved playing mummy, and pushing the buggy so this was why. We had to walk exactly the same way, which I learned quite quickly. We live a 3 minute walk to school and there are numerous little ways we can take. I used to just walk whichever way took my fancy. But no she had to lead the way. Every day it was the same, but that took us through the park and going through the park inevitably lead to distractions, she had to go down the slide at least twice before she would walk on. She would bolt in any direction and I had to be one step ahead of her all of the time so that I had a head start. I mean she was fast, and her decision to run was literally within an instant. That’s why I had to be quick because there were roads everywhere and she has no danger sense. Imagine your child running away from you, and into roads, or into crowds and getting lost? Remember I was 8 months pregnant in the height of summer and I was exhausted from everything. All I wanted to do was get to the school and pick My boy up, but a three minute walk took us 20 minutes every single day. The melt downs from having to hold my hand across roads, One time I was trying to put her in my car and she bolted straight across a busy road, I was so scared. Luckily there was nothing coming because it was the opposite side of the school and so a 30mph limit. I couldn’t get to her quick enough, my heart was I my mouth and I was so angry with her. I had just literally told her not to go into the road,
She done this a lot, when I told her not to do something, she would automatically do it, It was like her brain was wired up wrong,
She was very particular this little girl, I had to walk directly behind her and on the lines if I moved she would make us go back and start again. All kinds of problems arose from our walk to school, when we finally got there we were met with masses of parents and children in the playground and she would be everywhere, I had to follow her all around. Because she was so unpredictable I couldn’t just leave her to wander whilst watching her. She would seek mummies and their prams out and just put her hands all over new-born babies, or take their dummies out and yes suck them! She would bolt out the gate given half the chance or run into classrooms disrupting them. So I did the best I could by supervising her and not restricting her so much because that’s what caused us most problems when she wasn’t allowed somewhere or to do something she would completely breakdown. Spoiled? Naughty? Nope she had her ways and I learned how to manage them in the best way I could according to our personal circumstances. Some people used to say, she just needs discipline, or send her to her room, give her a slap. But even if I did any of these what would that be teaching her? Absolutely nothing. Not one thing would be gained from disciplining my child who was displaying these behaviors because of social and communication difficulties. I needed to teach her. But I couldn’t because I knew nothing myself. Oh I was convinced by this time it was autism but everytine it was mentioned I it dismissed as bad behavior or parenting issues. They used to look at her, walking around ordering everyone about, being rather adult like at 3 and decided that no, autism is not the answer because she doesn’t look like autism? What does autism look like?
Everybody had decided it definitely wasn’t Lolly. Close friends and family never even believed it, I struggled to convince Kenny even. which I don’t blame them for, because she is different. The only person to see in those early years was my dad. She isn’t typically autistic, if that’s even a word. Which is why she has the diagnosis Atypical Autism. She presented in a way that needed to be unpicked, unraveled. No idea why, I could see it and I wasn’t a professional.
So I learned that walking the three minute walk to school isn’t the answer and I should drive them. Drive?? For a three minute walk? I must be mad. Or lazy? Or both. But actually once we got into a rhythm of it and she got used to the new routine it worked really well. Unless I decided to make a detour to the shops, or park the other side of the school and walk down the alley, I soon found that ihad to take the same route every day, Some things she and I said to each other were said every day. At the same time for the same thing. This can get frustrating, when you are trying to get your kids to school and every thing has to be completely the same. But again I quickly learned that it easier to just do or say as asked. I had to park her next to the fence. Or she would scream. I had to take the same route. One time I went one little way different andshe went into complete meltdown. This meltdown was actually one of the most intense she had at that age. She was inconsolable. We had some words now too, mostly shut up, sh** and F**k . What do you do with your child who swears like this? I ignored it. It seemed to work because she didn’t swear for too long.
So the wait through the summer for that appointment was horrendous. The summer was long, and hot and I was stillllll pregnant! Lolly never really recognized I was pregnant, never talked about a baby at all, I don’t think she understood. We muddled through the summer, until Kenny thought it would be a good idea to ride down a big hill on a childs scooter.
Pregnant lady with a dog unleashed, a three year old runaway, a 5 year old copycat about to go down the same big hill his father just did and Kenny who had just flown 20 feet in the air and landed on his back!!!!! I did not know what to do first. I know what I wanted to do. RUN and HIDE. I did, however, do what came naturally, I legged it back to the car with the dog left Lola and Stanley with Kenny on the floor crying in pain, started the engine and made a quick getaway. Haha not really. I bundled the dog in the car whilst shouting at Stan to get the hell off of the scooter and grabbing Lola out of the road. I then went to see if Kenny was ok. Nope he was white as a ghost and in agony. I knew something bad was wrong, so we got my mum round to have the kids and I took him to A and E. Broken collar bone. One thing after another! That night I made Kenny a bed on the sofa and slept downstairs with him, well I stayed down there, there wasn’t much sleeping to be done between Kenny trying to get comfortable and Lola waking all night. I had to physically lift Kenny to help him move, wash him, bath him, dresshim for about a week. After that first night I moved the mattress downstairs so we could sleep better. It was an awful period. I have no idea how I never went into premature labour. We had our bedroom decorated ready for the baby in the midst of this too, so it wasn’t all doom and gloom.
I started getting contractions (again) two weeks before she finally made an appearance it was soul destroying. But finally we were about to start a new chapter in our lives, I had just received an appointment for Lola to see the peadiatrician on 10thDecember 2013, Moo ma was bron, initially as Mollie – Mai. And Lolly was about to start pre – school. Thank Christ. A break!
Who'd have thunk it?